Most car rental experiences go without a hitch. You get to the airport, you pick up the keys, you drive around in a safe, albeit anxious fashion, and then you return the car and fly home. Mostly. For the unlucky few whose experiences are not so trouble-free, car rental is a lot like playing Jenga – one tiny little thing goes wrong and it triggers a cataclysmic, holiday-ruining chain of events.
I was like that when I gave my rental car back with no problems
The first thing to remember when you are picking up your rental car is that they have been, for the vast majority of their life, driven like a dodgem. People will take liberties with a rental car in ways they would never do with something they actually owned. Take for instance the story of the man who, unhappy with the service of his chosen rental company, peed in the washer fluid. Now think that you have as much chance as anyone else of getting into that particular car next time you are on holiday and pulling that indicator stick, unleashing a jet of piss on to the windscreen.
Make sure there is only water in those jets (or possibly cleaner fluid)
Also consider where you are going. In Florida, for instance, the roads are huge and relatively simple, seeing as America has no need for roundabouts. Almost every car is also automatic. Contrast this with, say, Rome, or Paris, where even Formula 1 drivers take the train. All of these things will contribute to how stressful your rental experience might be.
Paris driving. More dangerous than phoning aging celebrities about their grandaughters
There are precautions you can take to avoid being the brunt of any unnecessary grief. Firstly, the rental company will take you up on any damage to the car, regardless of whether you caused it or not, unless you get written proof of the damage prior to you leaving the lot with the vehicle, so make sure you get some kind of proof. Secondly, make sure you are not already covered for insurance on a rental car. Some credit card providers will actually contribute to the cost of repairing a damaged rental car in the event of an accident, so phone around to avoid wasted cash. Finally, ask for the newest car possible. This might sound like silly advice, but it can often lead to getting the freshest automobile in the lot, which as we shall soon see, is important.
Try and get the most modern car available from the yard
Take time to consider what you are renting as well. If you drive a 3-door hatchback and you rent a 4×4 SUV, then it’s going to make adjusting to the roads a lot more difficult. Get the smallest car you can for your purposes. As a case study, this man found, among other things, that the SUV he had rented was ‘like a big boat. A tanker. I was immediately uncomfortable and felt stupid for having this big giant car for me and my little suitcase. It was scary.’ Take heed. He also mentions seemingly peripheral considerations like where the air conditoning controls were placed and how confusing the radio was. These might seem like tertiary concerns but they contribute to your overall comfort on the road. You get stuck on Radio 1.
If you’re used to driving a Smart car, this might not be for you
That guy had it lucky in comparison to some. It’s inevitable with the thousands of rentals taken up every day that some are going to be, let’s say, less than satisfactory. But there are some rentals that can destroy the souls of would-be holiday makers.
Some feel strongly enough about it to set up their own website dedicated to documenting these horror stories. Tales include the photographic documentation of unruly looking stains on some shabby upholstery and the frankly gripping headline ‘College Graduate Watches Decline Of Friends Employed At Enterprise Rent-A-Car’. If you’re particularly unlucky, you can pick up a real humdinger, the kind of car that makes grown men cry.
Stains and tearing on the seats. Worrying.
Check out this story about a rental car that had already been rented, by bugs. Granted, this is an extreme case, but it is not an isolated one. There’s the man whose rental car would not exceed 20 mph, and his subsequent dismay a the customer service he received. More scary is the incognito installation of GPS devices into rental cars so that your lender can track your every move, including whether you have been speeding or, in America, taking your car into another state, which can increase the costs of your rental. It is not yet a widespread practice, but as soon as rental companies cotton on to the idea of fining you for your driving style, you can welcome HAL 9000 into your saloon.
If your hire car starts humming ‘Daisy’, be afraid.
If all else fails, head to rentawreck.com who state on their site, ‘We hope that our funny name helps you to remember us, and our low costs rentals and high quality customer service will earn your business.’ This is clearly the same logic that led to my local windscreen replacement business being called Pane in the Glass, and my local tyre and exhaust garage being christened – wait for it – Steve’s Tyred and Exhausted. Genius. It’s that kind of thinking you’re going to encounter every time you rent a car. The best thing to do is avoid renting if you can. If you can’t, then everything should go okay. If it starts going wrong, abandon your vehicle wherever you are and proceed on foot. It’s the safest option.
Witty shop names. They’re funny.
